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Addiction doesn’t appeal to reason, but instead, responds to commitment.
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In the work of self transformation, the access point for change is noticing what we are choosing, and then determine if this is what we want. For instance, if we are experiencing a low mood or fatigue, noticing we are at the effect of that mood or energy is the first step. A self reflecting voice might sound like, “I’m really saying a buch of bad stuff to myself today”, or, “I keep saying it is no use to talk to that person”, or, “I have this persistent conversation about I just want to sleep right now.”
After observing the physical state we are in, there is a concordant conversation that co-arises with one’s physical state. On the psychological side, we have a monologue that transpires and adds to whatever is going on physically. So, if you are tired and you say, “I’m really tired”, the psychological anticipation of fatigue is re-inforced with one’s self. This often is experienced in real time as amplifying the fatigue. For instance, if you have a physical fatigue of 3 (out of ten), and you say repeatedly, “I’m really tired”, then the experience of fatigue is amplified as a four or a five.
The operative practice we can deploy is to first distinguish what the actual pain or fatigue or sadness is, and then begin to observe our subsequent conversation about that physical state. If we then own or be responsible for what we add to it psychologically, we then gain access to choosing a different experience. Often, what we choose is by default, based on the past and what our typical orientation to fatigue or sadness or success or anything else. Freedom to choose becomes ours for the making.
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We have been getting very positive reports from our patients using the new treatment for opioid addiction called Suboxone, or Buprenorphine. Our patients are reporting little, if any side effects or withdrawal symptoms, and are also reporting that their drug-seeking/cravings are virtually eliminated.
Those who have been dealing with chronic pain are reporting that Suboxone has a significant analgesic effect without the side-effects experienced from other opioids such as methadone or Oxycontin.
Please call us now to schedule your intake for this safe and effective treatment. 336-389-1413
In speaking with individuals who are suffering from drug addiction, and more specifically, addiction to opioids, they report a great deal of energy spent on seeking and securing drugs. The constant planning and preparing to avoid running out of a supply, to avoid even the thought of withdrawal, or the possibility of experiencing pain that has not yet occurred are all conversations that occupy the drug-addicted persons’ thinking.
Conversely, when an addict knows they are soon to get desired drugs, their hands stop shaking, their mind focuses, and things straighten out temporarily, knowing that cravings are going to be addressed. The placebo effect is powerful, and not to be underestimated.
The early 20th century phenomenologist Edmund Husserl observed that consciousness is always consciousness of something. Because humans have reflective consciousness, we are able to generate memories of previous experiences of pain and pleasure. With this ability, we are capable of adding something to our experience. For instance, it has been said that when shot with one arrow, there exists the pain of one arrow. But because we remember what pain is, we add suffering, and one arrow now feels like two. Our tendency is to co-mingle these two experiences of pain and suffering. Without awareness of what is what, we cannot efficiently separate our pain from our suffering.
A considerable amount of energy is spent on intending and generating suffering as a way to gain control over pain, but the opposite effect becomes the case, when we amplify pain instead of diminishing it. Drug-seeking behaviors are an example of how this happens: seeking and using perpetuates suffering that using is intended to extinguish. Pain is diminished only temporarily, and suffering continues to gain strength and a foothold into our thinking.
Consider the qualities the addict uses to insure he or she gets the drugs they need: concentration, intentionality, effective planning, communication and follow-through,- all useful in increasing the chances of getting what is needed to feel better. Whatever choices these attributes are applied to, effective results are likely to follow. An important question to ask at this point is: how am I going to choose to use the resources I have been given?
Clients with relationship difficulties often complain about their partner: “he doesn’t listen to me, ” or, “he should know how I feel without me telling him”, or, “she just talks all the time and doesn’t let me explain myself”, or, ”why should I ask, she’ll just say no.” When communication devolves into complaining, the relationship is suffering.
In America, we are taught as consumers to complain. This is an important skill if you want to get your money back at Target, but it doesn’t bode well for relationships. Mostly, we just want to avoid people who complain.
What to do? Instead of complaining, I encourage people to capture their partner’s attention by first establishing with them what works in the relationship. Authentically notice what you love about them, and what you appreciate. Tell them what excites you about them, inspires and moves you about them.
Next, clearly state the facts about what does not work in communicating with them, and be responsible for what you do to keep the difficulties going. The Chinese proverb “Do not swat a fly on a friend’s head with a hatchet” applies here. As compassionately as possible, relay your experience of them. .For this to work, you have to take responsibility for the conversation turning out. This isn’t an opportunity to disguise your complaints in a pretty package to get them to change-you have to make sure the conversation turns out by taking care of them.
Lastly, make a request. Ask for how you would like things to go, and what you will do to make it happen. A pitfall of this communication is disguising your complaints in the form of a request. When you ask, really ask. And say what you would like them to do as opposed to telling them what they are not doing.
If they agree to your request, you can also promise how you will respond in kind. If they say no, listen to what they are committed to in their speaking. Are they afraid they will be ignored? Avoided? Find out and talk about it. Someone once told me “bad communication is better than no communication.” To feel related to you, the other person has to experience the freedom to tell you their thoughts and feelings without feeling defensive and afraid you will retaliate.
There are plenty of opportunities to make good our intentions, and communication is the pathway to relatedness, affinity, great sex and true intimacy.
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Gratitude is at the source of spiritual practices around the world, and also of getting along swimmingly with others. The spirit of Equanimity, or “listening equally to all” has also been described as mirror mind, and is a sure way of finding the pathway to gratitude. Another way said, gratitude is listening from the heart.
If we consider that powerfully listening to the other is the first step in developing understanding among us, the qualities of gratitude will go a long way in delivering peace in everyday life. Radical acceptance of our circumstances delivers up the experience of gratitude, and experiencing the benefits of gratitude doesn’t take years of practice. Try starting your day being grateful, and by lunch you will notice the difference!
Developing gratitude around more serious issues may require a shift from our predictable mode of complaining. Feeling grateful for having cancer or the death of someone doesn’t mean we are grateful for sickness or death, but rather, for the opportunities that arise as a consequence of these adversities. It is important we pay attention to the opportunities that arise from our circumstances, instead of digging around in the garbage pail.
At times, a shock will come along and have us take a deeper look into who we are being in the matter of our life. While that is one way to wake up, another way is being available and willing to go diving into the depths of what is possible for oneself. Sometimes, tricking ourselves into thinking we have to do certain things, addresses our proclivity to put off things until it’s too late. Someone once said the truth will set you free, but, it may at first piss you off!
Try this operative practice to develop your capacity for gratitude. When you first wake up in the morning, without moving around too much, look across your mind-space and see what you see. What thoughts do you notice are occupying too much of your thinking? What is missing that you want in your thinking? Once you notice what could be attended to, put in the correction. for instance, if you notice you are complaining, put in acceptance. If you are spacey, put in awareness. If you are full of worry and significance, put in nothingness!
When we take the time to presence ourselves to what we are grateful for, an immediate shift in who we are being takes place. Enjoy yourselves!
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Vivitrol, a new medication that is used to treat alcohol cravings, is now being made available to Triad Behavioral Resources clients. Studies have demonstrated that using Vivitrol in combination with substance abuse counseling dramatically increases a person’s success in staying sober. To find out more, go to http://www.vivitrol.com/
Individuals who are experiencing early alcohol withdrawal cravings will greatly benefit from this treatment. Additionally, individuals who are seeking license restoration will make a serious statement of commitment to the court if they are receiving this form of treatment.
Of couse, the best success is coupling medication with counseling. Individuals who remain sober one year have the greatest chance of maintaining their sobriety over a lifetime.
Please call our offices to find out more about this treatment. The makers of Vivitrol will work with your insurance company to pre-certify your treatment. Additionally, Medicaid will also pay for this treatment. Call us at 336-389-1413 for more information.
Adult children of alcoholics appear to have characteristics in common as a result of being raised in an alcoholic home. Review the characteristics listed. If you identify with these characteristics then seek appropriate sources of support to understand and resolve them. You will find many books at the bookstore on this subject. Additionally, there is Adult Children of Alcoholics 12-Step self-help community meeting, individual therapy, and group therapy facilitated by a therapist.
- Isolation, fear of people, and fear of authority figures.
- Difficulty with identity issues related to seeking constantly the approval of others.
- Frightened by angry people and personal criticism.
- Have become an alcoholic yourself, married one, or both. A variation would be the attraction to another compulsive personality such as a workaholic. The similarity is that neither is emotionally available to deal with overwhelming and unhealthy dependency needs.
- Perpetually being the victim and seeing the world from the perspective of a victim.
- An overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Concerned about the needs of others to the degree of neglecting your own wants and needs. This is a protective behavior for avoiding a good look at yourself and taking responsibility to identify and resolve your own personal difficulties.
- Feelings of guilt associated with standing up for your rights. It is easier to give into the demands of others.
- An addiction to excitement. Feeling a need to be on the edge, and risk-taking behaviors.
- A tendency to confuse feelings of love and pity. Attracted to people that you can rescue and take care of.
- Avoidance of feelings related to traumatic childhood experiences. Unable to feel or express feelings because it is frightening and/or painful and overwhelming. Denial of feelings.
- Low self-esteem. A tendency to judge yourself harshly and be perfectionistic and self-critical.
- Strong dependency needs and terrified of abandonment. Will do almost anything to hold onto a relationship in order to avoid the fear and pain of abandonment.
- Alcoholism is a family disease which often results in a family member taking on the characteristics of the disease even if they are not alcoholics (para-alcoholics). Dysfunctional relationships, denial, fearful, avoidance of feelings, poor coping, poor problem solving, afraid that others will find out what you are really like, etc.
- Tendency to react to things that happen versus taking control and not being victim to the behavior of others or situations created by others.
- A chameleon. A tendency to be what others want you to be instead of being yourself. A lack of honesty with yourself and others.
So much of the time when we are having difficulties settling down, our minds are going faster than our bodies, while our breathing tries to keep pace. The result is anxious thoughts that produce anxious feelings that create all kinds of problems with concentration.
We we slow down the pace of our breathing, something remarkable happens to the pace of our thoughts and feelings. Try this out: sit quietly in a quiet place. When you breathe in, watch your breath going across your nose and into your body. Just pay attention to it. On your exhale, have the air travel into your mouth and out your nose. Keep your mouth closed, with your tongue on the roof of your mouth so it doesn’t get dry. As you breathe out, have your breath relax your entire body. Don’t worry about how fast or slow you are breathing, just breathe to get the air you need, and exhale when you need to exchange.
When distracting thoughts arise, just notice them and redirect your attention back to your breath. The thoughts may continue, but for now, you are practicing “parking” them and only focusing on your breath. If you’ve never done this before, just try it out for 2-3 minutes. As you practice, extend your time and frequency. Pretty soon, you will want to develop a regular time and sanctuary where you practice the art of breathing and relaxing.
For more information about meditation and relaxation breathing, click here: http://www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php
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